You are not Alone - Part 2 Depression/Anxiety : Is it o.k. to take medication or should we just trust in God? The Answer: Yes! and Yes.

I was touched by an email I received on one of my groups yesterday. It was an email I could have written myself ten years ago.

A young woman writes of her struggles with anxiety/depression, especially postpartum and her struggles with the issues many Christians face.
Is it o.k. to take medication for anxiety/depression?
Should I just trust in God?
Should I have more children?

She states that she feels so much better on the medication, but many have condemned this woman for taking medication.
Many Christians believe that we who "think" we need medication to deal with our depression/anxiety issues are just "weak" Christians who need to just TRUST in the Lord and take all our concerns to Him in prayer and He will take care of us.

Well.......... they're right...... TO SOME EXTENT, but let me take a few moments to tell you my story and then all of you out there who struggle with these issues can take what you want from

it, but most of all I hope you

GO WHERE GOD LEADS YOU.

"What's right for me may not be right for you and that's O.K."
This is my motto, and it took me forever to learn it and live by it.
But, God is gracious and patient.

I did not realize I had a problem until I was 25 years old.
I had struggled with anxiety,low self-esteem, a lack of confidence, and inadequate coping skills for over 14 years.
I had cratered in the public school system due to the inability to handle peer pressure by becoming anorexic/bulimic ( an attempt to gain some sort of security and control in my life that seemed so insecure and so out-of control).

I had been to my family physician many times as a teen complaining of fatigue, aches, pains, and wanting to just curl up in bed and sleep.
However, the old family doctor was too fixed in his old ways to think anything could be wrong with a young teenage girl who on the outside seemed perfectly healthy.
So without any blood work or running any tests, he assumed I was just "being a teenager," and needed to talk things over with my mom.

Things remained unchanged and continued to get worse.

In my second year of marriage, my OB/GYN suggested to my husband and I that I begin taking Prozac.
But the year was 1991, and Prozac was new to the public and there was much talk about those prescribed the drug having suicidal thoughts or actually committing suicide.

No! This was not what I needed. I was appalled at the doctor! Furious at the thought that he was saying there was something "MENTALLY," wrong with me! We never returned.

In June of 1997, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Lisa.
I had waited so long for this child.
My husband and I had met when I was 12, married when I was 18. Went to college, bought a house, was financially stable.
We did all those things, everyone told us to do first, but since I was 14 yeas old, all I really wanted to do was marry Lance and have babies!

Well, here I was, a baby in my arms.
I should have been the happiest woman on the planet, but I was miserable.
I lost so much weight after the delivery of the baby that my doctor walked right by the very next day and did not recognize me!
I cried all the time for 8 weeks. I lost all desire in eating.
I had trouble producing milk to feed my child.
She had colic. No one in the house was sleeping.
There was trouble with my career.
I finally had this beautiful baby of my dreams in my arms and I had so many things going on, it was hard to enjoy it!

I pulled out of it somehow. I changed jobs, started a regular routine, schedule, etc.
Life was good for almost two years.
I worked, we played. Life became very simple for awhile.

In May 1999, right before Lisa's second birthday, my dad had a sudden heart attack and went to be with the Lord.

Life as I knew it stopped.

I am an only child, and I was very close to my dad.
The men in my life were God, my husband and my dad.
It was earth shattering to me.
I knew of God and believed to some extent, but so many things were confusing.
I was trying to make sense of it all.

I had 5 jobs in the next 6 months.
I just couldn't think straight.
I just wanted to come home and hold Lisa.
Other than Lance, my husband, I had no one to talk to.
He couldn't relate. I'm not blaming him. He had not suffered this kind of loss before.
It was not his fault.

We attended church, but again, they did not know how to relate.
Three months had passed, and people were like, "it's been three months, get over it."
But I couldn't.
I desperately needed somebody to talk to, to understand, to pull me out.

Again, somehow, I pulled through.
After Christmas 1999, Lance and I began trying for baby #2.
I didn't want Lisa to be alone like I was.
I wanted her to have a sibling to share things with.

We conceived in February, bought a house in March.
I began working from home. We were active in a church.
Life was good again.

Sunday July 3, 2000 - We were in church. I was getting up to go from Sunday School to the worship service when I felt the baby drop like a ton of bricks....... and she didn't move for 12 hours.
Yes, "SHE," our beautiful Ariel.
I had just found out I was having another girl.
I had a new doctor. I had just seen him, he put me on a low dose of zoloft to help with depression/anxiety symptoms, all seemed well, but something was definitely wrong now.
Ariel was 22 weeks along and had decided to come out now!

The next 4 months were spent in and out of the hospital and bed, but in the end, through God's grace, I delivered a healthy 7 lb, 13 oz baby girl on November 1, 2000, only one week before my due date.
It was during those 4 months that things started changing for the better, starting with God.

I spent a lot of time lying in a bed talking to God.

"God, you've given me this baby. You've given me Ariel. We've named her. She's here and she's real. I can't see you taking her away from us after you've given her to us."

I'd lie there and listen to her heartbeat on the monitors and pass the time by singing,

" All to Jesus, I surrender. All to him I freely give. I will ever love and trust him, in his presence daily live. I surrender all."

I did just that. I had surrendered all to Him.
I realized who was actually in charge, and I put it all in his arms.
From there, it was not all a bed of roses, but it does get better.

In 2001, I was attending Sunday school, and somehow the topic of discussion became about people taking medications for anxiety/depressions.
No one in the room knew I was on medication.
The teacher made it very clear that she firmly believed all of these "medications, "were unnecessary.
I am paraphrasing here, but she went on to say, in a matter of words, people like that needed to just turn to God and trust in God to meet their needs and solve their problems. They just weren't trusting God.

Well, that put me right over the edge in a barrel!
I was not secure nor mature enough in my FAITH yet to realize who was being the immature one here.

I tossed everything I knew about my Zoloft right out the window. Forget the fact that it helps me think straight. Forget the fact that it really does help through post-partum depression and the "baby blues." Forget about all the good the medication can and was doing.

I went right off the meds, and was trying to do things THE RIGHT WAY.

Through a series of events over the next year, God moved us from that church to a new church HOME.
It was here, in our new HOME, that I sat in a pew after church one Sunday, crying and pouring my heart out to our friend and pastor.
True healing and restoration finally began. I was 30 years old.

He's a very kind and understanding man. Not only is he our pastor, but is also a marriage counselor.

God did so good.

You see, not only was I struggling with whether or not I should be on medication or not, but it was also during this time that I began learning about being quiverfull and I felt led to leave my family planning to God.
This is what I had always felt led to do. I just didn't realize it.
All I ever wanted to do was marry Lance and have babies.
I am my most happiest when I am at home being a keeper at home, managing the home and being a mom.

I am called to be Momma. (There's a book in that statement someday, I can almost guarantee it.)

I felt called to be Momma and be quiverfull, but Lance did not.
If you add that to the fact that I'm not on any medication at this point,
I was cratering BIG TIME!

So first things first,

Our Pastor, for the first time in my life said, " It is not your fault."

Oh my goodness, it is not my fault?
I have nothing to feel guilty about?
Nothing to be ashamed of?
Oh how liberating!

He went on to say how he felt depression can be a combination of things.
On one side, yes we do have to learn to turn things over to God and trust in Him and have a relationship with Him, learn to communicate with Him first.
On the other side, sometimes it's also chemical, and a chemical imbalance, and it's the combination of both God and medication that work best together.

That was a new beginning for me.........
Where are we now?

I am not ashamed to say it. I take 25mg of Zoloft a day for depression/anxiety.
I will continue to take it everyday for the rest of my life.

I have quit listening to those out there who would condemn, judge or push their own beliefs and convictions on me.

I listen instead to my heart and the quiet but strong leading of God through His WORD and through the Holy Spirit.

"He leadeth me beside the still waters."

I have had three zoloft babies so far.
Ariel was born 11-01-00
Amelia was born 02-22-04
Michael was born 11-30-06.
All of these children are happy, healthy and beautiful!
I do not fear I am harming my children by taking zoloft while I am pregnant.
Actually, I think I am able to be a better mom, wife, friend and daughter to God because of the medication.
I am happy and healthy and will be able to handle whatever the Lord presents me with.

Am I trusting only in the medication to make my life better?

No, not at all.

"Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways Acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:4-5

God is my best friend. I know I am NEVER ALONE for HE is with me.
I talk with Him in prayer.
I walk with Him through his Word.

A wise home-school mom once said,"God doesn't always call the equipped, but he always equips the called."

God has equipped me with His Holy Spirit, my Bible, my husband, my church family and friends,(all of whom do not judge me nor condemn me, but walk with me with encouragement and support through Faith and Grace in our Lord Jesus Christ.)

And He has equipped me with a believing doctor who supports my belief and calling to be quiverfull.

It has been a long journey. One I would wish on no one else, but I leave you with this one piece of advice I hope you will heed.

GO WHERE GOD LEADS YOU.

If you went to the doctor tomorrow and found out you were diabetic and needed insulin the rest of your life, would you refuse to take it and say I'm just going to trust God to make me well?

or would you see it as God providing you what you need through medicine to be well to carry on what he has planned for you?

For me, my zoloft, in combination with my FAITH and TRUST, and what God has provided for me in the forms of medication, support, encouragement, etc., all has equipped me to be well to carry on whatever God has planned for me. May he do the same for you.

GO WHERE GOD LEADS YOU.

"For I know the plans I have for you,

declares the LORD,

plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future.

Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, "

and I will listen to you.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I will be found by you, declares the LORD,

Jeremiah 29:11-14a (NIV)