Hello everyone,
Ok, in the last 4 months, I've been a little quiet.
After the miscarriage, Feb 13, 2010, I just pulled away from everyone and everything.
I was angry.
It wasn't fair and it shouldn't have happened.
those that have followed my stories throughout this blog know that this was my second miscarriage in 6 months.
The first one was caused by my lack of knowledge, I needed progesterone, was taking it, but didn't know I should have kept using it after I got pregnant.
The day I got a positive pregnancy tests, I quit using it thinking I was protecting my baby.
We lost Baby Hope August 10, 2009, at 9 weeks
I got pregnant again using progesterone cream in December 2009. This time my doctor prescribed Prometrium, a progesterone supplement to help prevent a miscarriage.
We had a very healthy baby this time. It had a strong heartbeat and would run from the doppler.
At 10 weeks gestation, the doctor told me it was safe to come off the Prometrium....... it wasn't,
We tragically lost Baby Grace Feb 13, 2010 at 12 weeks.
I went through a dark time. Why God why? What do you want from me?
There's been quite a few changes for me over the last 4 months.
I spent a lot of time walking and asking God what he wanted. I didn't have anybody else to talk to.
Nobody understood why a mother of 4 wanted more children, but God does.
This mother of 4, me, I am and always will be Called To Be Momma. That's me, Momma, and I love my job.
I'm proud of it.
I embrace it.
I can't think of anything else I'd rather do.
One way or another, I'm always going to be Momma, taking care of others.
OK, so in the last 4 months, I changed doctors, God has brought a wonderful new doctor into my life who has helped me sort through things. She listened. She ran all the tests and she did finally diagnosed the problem, extremely low progesterone. Normal is 15-17. Mine hasn't gotten above 12 yet. Something happened after Michael's birth, maybe it's God telling me no more, or maybe it's just something that needs to be corrected. I don't know, we wait and see.
But I'd like to have more children, if it is God's will.
I started 25mg of Clomid last month, Progesterone rose from 11 in April to 12 in May, still not enough.
Today, I start Round 2, Clomid 50mg, hopefully this will work.
Clomid treatments work like this. Each month, you are given 5 tablets to take days 5-10 of your cycle.
You know what to do Days 10-21.
On Day 21 the lab does Progesterone test and you wait a week to see if you're pregnant.
If that Progesterone test at 3 weeks shows too low of a level of Progesterone, next month you go to a higher dose and each month the process repeats itself up to 150mg of Clomid.
If at 150mg, I'm not pregnant and the progesterone levels are not rising....... well, I'll have to face the facts.
There are other things I could try, but you know...... I do realize I've been blessed with 4 beautiful children.
My husband and I have been through the fires of birth control or no birth control, quiverfull or not, vasectomy and reversal. God knows what we want and what we need.
I've learned this over the years through all the trials.
God loves me.
He knows my heart's desires.
I still Trust in Him
If it's meant to be, it will be
and if not, well, life is still good, I have my beautiful Lisa, Ariel, Amelia and Michael.
I'm only 38 and God still has so much more planned for me.
It's all going to be OK
So reply back, share your stories, whatever is on your heart, share with us.
I want this to be a place where we can all share in the Faith Journey.
In His Love,
AW
2 comments:
Amy,
I didn't know you lost your baby in February. I am so very, very sorry.
We lost 3 last year to miscarriage. I don't have low progesterone or any other obvious problem, apparently. We just lost them. Our 2nd one was the most heartwrenching as we had a strong heartbeat and healthy looking baby at 7 weeks, and I miscarried 10 days after the ultrasound.
After our 3rd loss in October of last year, my dh decided we needed a break so we started practicing Natural Family Planning. It was such a departure from our previous life of being open TO life, but I knew God was calling me to be peaceful and submit.
I longed so intensely for another child. We have 6 living kids, but I ached for a baby.
After much sorrowing and grieving and releasing, I felt peace with our six. I felt able to move on into a new life with no babies.
Then in March, while using NFP, I got pregant. I'm 14 weeks today. We had no interventions at all and this one SEEMS fine so far.
I understand the longing very well. I hope you'll continue to give yourself time to grieve your losses and to seek God's peace with whatever He has for you.
Our own story astonishes me. My older girls were praying every day for a healthy baby and I know God has done a miracle to have this baby make it this far, at least.
God bless, Laraba
Amy
I think maybe we met at a MOMYS retreat? If not I have you confused, but never the less, I wanted to tell you that I took Clomid also to help lengthen my luteal phase. It seemed to be helping, my luteal phase increased to 14 days, and I had temp. shifts that indicated I was ovulating, but I never got pregnant on it. I only took it for 3 or 4 months. It took me 10 mo after being off of it to get pregnant.
If you research Clomid, it was originally going to be a birth control drug, but they realized it had the opposite effect on some people.
I took it when we first decided to let God have our fertility. I had been on depo provera and the doctor told us that clomid would counter act it. I didn't get pregnant on clomid that time either, and it took about a year for me to get pregnant once I stopped it.
Now, I take the progesterone suppositories as soon as I find out I'm expecting, and then about 16 weeks I take progesterone shots once a week to prevent preterm labor.
I hope this helps.
Angie Morgan
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