Turtles, Penguins and Disappointments

Hello all,

It's been an interesting weekend here at the Wingfield home.
I did have a wonderful date with my husband on Saturday afternoon. We saw the movie Fireproof. I won't spoil it for anyone, but I will say if you have not seen it, please go. It's definitely worth your time, your money and your thoughts.
My thoughts............ concerning the movie..... I think I'd rather keep those private for now. This movie's main focus is all about 1. Getting right with God and 2. Getting right with your spouse.
Both are very private and intimate things to me, and so I will just encourage you to go and see for yourself what God has in store for you after watching this movie. Only God knows.

I went to the zoo yesterday after church. Our local zoo has a free ticket day, once a year. You bring an outdated phone book. The zoo recycles the books and you get free admission to the zoo. It saves me $30, so I always make it a point to go with my children each year. They love seeing the animals.
This trip for me was like no other. This time I had my neices with me and their mother. I'm home-schooling not only my own children, but my two little neices too. So this was our first field trip for the year.

I wore the hats of teacher and chaperone on this trip. I'm also the mother of a very active 22 month old little boy, Michael, who is determined to never use a stroller again, but take life at his own pace.

Michael constantly reminds me to slow down and enjoy life. Michael could have cared less about the zoo animals. He loves the outdoors and he loves watching people. So while all the little girls are dragging my sister-in-law to see all the animals at break neck speed, I'm lagging behind with Michael.

Michael has a sippy cup in one hand, a lollipop in the other and is strolling through the zoo slower than Moses in the desert, not watching the animals, but enjoying all the sites and the people around him. He loved it. Who cares about the cheetahs and the monkeys? I'm outside, I'm free and there's things going on all around me! COOL!!
He's so smart and so observant. It's amazing what he tunes into.

And for the first time, I found myself observing the animals in whole new way.
Turtles -Turtles are selfish, simple creatures. I think their primary existence consists of their desire, for food, sleep and personal satisfaction.

We visted the penguins too. They eat, they sleep, they swim.

Maybe I'm really, really tired, but I found myself envying the simple life of the turtles and the penguins. Wouldn't it be great to just be sinful little creatures if for only awhile?

Well....... no, as I was reminded tonight, as I was sharing these thoughts at a ladies Bible study, turtles and penguins don't have souls. They don't have the assurance of life eternal with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. They go through life simply doing what feels good, what is instinctly right for them, and one day they will die and that will be it. They will cease to exist.

We as humans, as Sons and Daughters of the Father, as Brothers and Sisters in Christ, we were created with the purpose of love and fellowship, to put others before ourselves, to share love and be loved, to put Christ in the center of all we do. To grow and mature physically, emotionally and spiritually, becoming more like Him who created us everyday. To accept and to have the assurance of life everlasting, eternally. We will not cease to exist.

Lesson learned: I would not want to be a turtle or a penguin, but maybe I do need to slow down a little bit, enjoy life a little more and spend more time with God. I know I've taken on a little too much and I need to down-size and re-organize a few of my priorities. Thank goodness for GRACE - Amen sisters?

Disappointments - God gave Eve to Adam for fellowship. Someone to share with.
However just as we are not perfect, neither our our friendships, and we have to realize that Grace abounds here too, in our friendships and how we relate to one another.
No two people are alike. We are all given a special purpose and plan, and gifts from God. What I'm called to do you might not be called to do. And, what I think is "so cool!" you might think is just "HORRIBLE," but it is when we can look past these differences and embrace each other's uniqueness that true bonding, fellowship and friendship can blossom and bare fruit.

I have been feeling lonely lately. I have no one to share with. What I mean, is I can't find anyone like me.

I can't find anyone out there who enjoys the same things I enjoy. I don't know anyone, other than the Duggars, who embrace having children like I do.

I love giving everything, all that I am, every aspect of my life, my soul, my heart, over to God. I've learned to go to God with everything and he has met all of my needs. But in my own selfish nature, I desire someone to share all of this with, and I can't find that person.

Yes, I'm married. Yes I share things with my husband, but he does not share my belief that I feel led to lay everything at God's feet. He does feel God expects him to meet certain responsibilities when it comes to family planning and provisions. It makes for some difficult times in our lives because we do not agree on these issues. Each time I conceive, I go through a time of mixed emotions of total estatic happiness over our new blessing from God to feelings of total lonliness because my spouse does not share my joy.

I know some of you would tell me if your husband says, "No more," then it should be , " No more." I know some of you feel that way. But this is my cross I carry, and I feel so strongly that this is my calling, that even this too is a matter of prayer, more than I can possibly express, and I know if it's meant to be, it will be.

But I wish I could share this joy with my husband. I've accepted we are different, I pray God will change our hearts, grow our marriage and make it stronger. I know He is in His own way and in His own time, but also, it is up to us too, to openly embrace each other, our seperate gifts and callings, with all our strengths and weaknesses working together as one to give God the Glory.

The same thing goes for friendships. As hard as I try, I've yet to find another woman on the planet who wants to have as many children as God wants her to have and enjoys cooking for large groups of people and loves to write and share the way I do.

OK I GIVE UP, I REALIZE I'M UNIQUE,

" God made me special and he loves me very much." (Thank you Bob and Larry!)

but I am still lonely. I wish I could go to social events and share about my desires to have more children and cook for 100+ people, and not come away feeling like everyone just thinks I'm nuts!!

It doesn't take long sitting among your peers to realize you all have different gifts and talents, but some gifts and talents are easier embraced, encouraged and supported than others.

And let's face it, being quiverfull and enjoying feeding large groups is just not easily embraced in today's, " let's make things easier world."

I don't know why God has called me with these gifts, but I love them. I cherish each blessing. I get excited when asked to cook. I know you know I am eager to share through my writings. For the most part I'm happy. " If you're happy and you know it shout HOORAY!!!!!"

I just wished I had someone to shout Hooray with me.

Dear Lord,
"You are my refuge,my portion in the land of the living" (psalm 142:5) NIV
"You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence."(Acts 2:28)"
Take away the lonliness and feel me with joy.
Amen,
Amy